A Walk, Downtown
Did you lose your childhood, or did your childhood lose you?
Today, I walked downtown for an hour or two, clutching the collar of my coat as the wind threatened to behead me with each icy gust. All I could think about was getting a pair of gloves and more Uniqlo Heattech. Instead of buying either of those things, I decided to buy a half-pound of hallonshots, the firmest (and most sour) Swedish gummy to ever exist.
No regrets. I opened the bag as I exited the store and walked down Newbury, my hands shaking with cold as I worked through the first, deliciously perfect raspberry-flavored bottle. It’s the type of sour candy that makes you salivate and will definitely rub the top layer of your tongue off. I continue walking down the street, littered with high school couples and navy-lightweight-puffer-clad young men who use a little too much hair mousse. My feet are aching in my one-inch heels. I try to direct the pain elsewhere in order to forget. I am only semi-successful.
I pass a young father and his son, both bundled up in thick puffers, hats, and gloves. A few seconds later, I hear a shuffling behind me, and I see the father overtake me with the young boy magically situated atop his shoulders. I unconsciously slow down to watch. We are both headed to Copley Station.
Something about this sight instilled a feeling of deep longing within me. These days, people don’t really do that anymore. I also haven’t been on my father’s shoulders since I was five.
A long time ago, in middle school, I remember writing a poem about how it felt to be over seven feet tall and towering over people as I sat on my father’s broad shoulders. The world had looked so small and tangible, reachable back then. Now, I am only 5’6 and the world seems to get increasingly larger—this world is no longer a head of jet black hair and the sound of my father’s laugh.
I wonder what happened during those eighteen years—if it was me who had shrunk, or if it’s the world that’s been growing all along—spinning and spinning, turning and turning, increasingly out of control.